The real me

Moments after the life changing revelation

Star Wars. Vegetables. Early bedtimes.

Unlike the above, ‘dangerous’ isn’t a word often associated with yours truly. However, it is time to come clean: My true self struts through the wilderness of formidable cool. I just hide it well. Really well.

One such outworking of my ‘dark side’ is the habitual, intentional corruption of my friend’s children. Through regular brain washing, it is my aim to get each and every one of them addicted to the greatest drug on earth. Chocolate.

Today has been a roaring success. This evening 10 month-old Josiah tasted his first chocolate flavoured item, baked by yours truly. Upon consuming his first brownie bite he then crawled with desperate vigour towards anything vaguely chocolate-coloured with the crazed frenzy that only a sugar-drunk baby can. For the next carnage-infused hour, he managed to smear ice cream on my dress, knock over a glass of sangria and stick a phone in his mouth. I’ve never been so proud.

Ladies and gentlemen, you are reading the words of a badass.

Cold Turkey

Valentine’s day.  For many, the priority is to shower their beloved with kisses, presents and flowers.  For me, 14^th February presents a wonderful excuse to focus my energy on my first love, Chocolate.   Well… it’s everywhere at the moment, right?  Why even try to resist?

I’m not going to lie to you, I’m a little addicted… OK, so more than just a little addicted.  It has long been a problem, but it got worse when I discovered that 43% of the world’s cocoa is likely to have come from farms where children have been trafficked and forced to work against their will.  I did a bit of investigating and discovered that one sure-fire way of ensuring that I only eat slavery- free chocolate is by sticking to the fair-trade variety.

“Brilliant.” I thought to myself “Now that I’m restricted with my chocolate choices I will consume far less and be a beacon of health.”

Wrong.

Now, every time I see a bar of Divine or Dairy Milk I think “If I eat this I’ll be supporting local, slave-free farmers.  I’ll be saving the world one piece of choc at a time.  It’s my duty to both God and society to buy this chocolate bar, damn it.”  I won’t divulge how bad it’s got but let’s just say that a direct choc drip to my arm wouldn’t be a far cry from the current situation.  I clearly need some kind of intervention.

Thankfully there are other options to direct my energy into this year.  Please consider giving me moral support on my chocdetox by getting involved too.

The first is Stop the Traffik’s Have a heart Nestle campaign.  Click here to join me in asking Nestle to ensure that all their chocolate is traffic free.

The second option involves sending a Valentine’s card to someone who I very much doubt either you or I were planning to this year.  Curious?  Details will be posted in a few days…