Hmm. Awkward. You see… I have a confession to make. I haven’t been entirely honest. My profile is a set up. I’ve crafted, sculpted and de-tagged it to death in an attempt to appear as smooth as possible – the ‘best’ version of myself. Who I want you to think I am.
I haven’t lied to you. Nothing on my profile is untrue. It’s what I’ve left out that has resulted in a less than complete picture of myself.
However, I’ve decided to cut the crap. That’s right, I am now on a mission to officially become A Bull-Free Zone.
Here’s what I would add to my profile info if I were being completely honest:
I like to give off the impression that I only ever watch super arty films with subtitles so tiny you have to endure the entire movie understanding almost none of the dialogue, but connecting on a higher level with what the director is trying to “say” through the subtly placed set props.
However, around 80% of the time, it’s actually quite unlikely that I’m watching a French language film with Arabic subtitles about post modernism in a post-colonial world. I’m actually watching Cheaper by the Dozen 2. And enjoying it.
Until recently I blocked all friends from seeing each and every photo I’m tagged in and limited access to profile pics and backpacking photos only. I have now seen the light and have officially Got Over Myself (it really is official – you get a certificate and everything.) If we’re FB friends, please do take a look. There’s a particularly fetching one of me lying in a crumpled heap on the floor.
I would love you to believe that the first record I ever purchased was something uber cool like Blue by Joni Mitchell. But it wasn’t. It was Let’s Get Ready to Rumble by PJ and Duncan. I used to, and still do, have a big thing for comedy rapping. In fact, two weeks ago I subjected a car full of people to a rendition of ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’ word for word. I’m still not sure if they were amused or just thought I needed help.
I do enjoy politics, music and reading, but if I were being entirely honest I would also add the following to my list:
- Walking into lampposts
- Skipping down the road when I think no one is looking whilst giggling to myself like a crazy person.
- Aimlessly browsing the internet for hours when I should be doing something waaaay more useful. Like sleeping. Or reading Tolstoy. Or watching an Arabic-subtitled French film with a post-modern interpretation of the post-G8 consumerist culture in middle Britain.
Nope, I’m not entirely sure what that sentence means either.